September 13, 2023 A Painful Decision

I love the fullness, the richness, and the many satisfactions of the language used in late 19th and early 20th century literature. Speaking in a very general way, and only of my own perceptions, the late 19th century themes were of the niceties of a limited society in small communities. This depiction gave way to the same themes in the early 20th century, but with politics and economics creeping in.

The economic aspect to the latter themes also came down to “good society,” and the need for the break up of the estates of the landed gentry and aristocrats to pay their mounting debt. This economic slant is at first only elusively represented, then as the avalanche hits, their “normal” society is destroyed.

I am the current embodiment of those landed gentry of old: I am a landed 21st century upper middle class American. I have, until next month, a miniature “estate” of 45.49 acres out in the sticks of the Midwest, with an annual lottery ticket of cash crops. Debt has my way of life stumbling, and I am selling 38% of my land (17.55 acres) to satisfy creditors. The buyers are B and his wife, M. B has been my right hand here at the farm for decades. After the sale, there will be no more lottery tickets for me; I shall miss not only the money, but the fun and satisfaction of seeing my crops thrive.

Those old estates were esteemed by the heirs and became the seat of families for generations. My estate, such as it is or will be, is unwanted and unloved by my heirs, as am I. Instead, I have decided that B and M will be the heirs to my dwindling estate through a generously priced purchase option on what remains after this sale.

I am breaking up my estate to clear my debts in an honorable fashion. I would feel forever coated with tar if I filed for bankruptcy, although to lawyers it is no big deal. To me, though, it would mean the death knell of my endless attempts at restoring to myself some small measure of integrity, let alone dignity.

"How did you go bankrupt?" Edna asks Bill. He replied, "Slowly, then suddenly" Ernest Hemingway, "The Sun Also Rises"

I am hoping that I will not feel devastated by this, and that my former, loving regard for the farm is restored. The feeling of this place got tainted by a huge financial mistake I made. Will I again love the farm with the fervor I once had?

I hope so.